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A blog post about asking yourself the hard questions. How to change self doubt.

Questioning yourself is a double edged sword isn’t it? Sometimes it feels a lot more like self doubt than anything else doesn’t it? Well for me it does. Or used to, actually. Self care helped with learning how to not abuse myself emotionally. That’s essentially what you are doing, Emotionally abusing yourself. It sounds crazy when you think of it like that. Who would willingly do that to themselves right? Wrong. Everyone has moments of overthinking, creating unlikely scenarios or just being disappointed in yourself because you made a mistake. However, instead of just admitting it, forgiving yourself or dealing with it in a healthy way.. You obsess over it. Beat yourself up over it. Call yourself names or be negative and mean to yourself.

Me: Doesn’t sound healthy does it?

me: Nope

Me: That’s because it’s not. You know better.

me: Sigh

What if me questioning myself isn’t a negative thing but positive? What if the answers to those questions are guiding me? And the discomfort I feel is just growing pains? I constantly beat myself up for not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life or at least career wise. What if, by asking these tough questions, I am receiving pieces of the puzzle. Maybe the reason It doesn’t make sense yet is because I can’t see the full picture yet? What if by asking questions I am a lot further along than I think I am? What if the emotional abuse towards myself is just stopping me from reaching further than I actually can? What if all I had to do was just trust god? It’s one thing to know that you should trust god and to actually trusting him is a whole other can of worms. 

Sh*t that is a lot.

Questioning yourself doesn’t have to be a negative experience. When done the right way, it actually helps you figure yourself out. 

Lost20something

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Blog post about finding your voice

Finding your voice as a person, as a writer, as a female, are often given as advise. You are capable! You just haven’t found your voice just yet. You are a great writer but your tone isn’t really right. I need to hear your voice. Use your voice. Your voice should be unique.

I, for one have heard that often. But do you ever just stand still for a sec and think about what that means? “Finding a voice” is implying that it was lost or you never had one to begin with. By agreeing to find your voice we are actually agreeing with them telling us we never had one. We do. Everyone does.

How does one even find his or hers voice? How does one never have one?

The only time you didn’t have a voice is when you stayed quite when really, you had a lot to say. You censored yourself. Scared to offend. You didn’t say what you wanted to because of another person. You played the part of the quite wallflower not because that’s who you are but because you were worried about what they might think.

But baby girl, prison is a sentence. Don’t sentence yourself.

You don’t need to find your voice because you always had it. They aren’t the ones that need to understand you. You need to understand you. It’s a process. You will have days feeling like you figured it all out and you can take on the world. But then there are days you are just not there yet. Somedays it will feel like one step forward 10 steps back. Those days are normal. Everyone has them. The focus shouldn’t be how many steps you went forward and then backwards, the point is you are moving. Moving is learning. Learning is knowledge. Knowledge means better decisions the second time or the third time around. You are allowed to make mistakes.

If you can’t express your feelings, opinions, thoughts with the company you keep, then you need to change the company you keep. You are meant to be a mess when you are a mess. Happy when you are happy. Sad when you are sad. You are meant to feel what you feel when you feel it. Don’t ignore that. It will fester. It will keep ticking till the time bomb finally explodes.

If you don’t have supportive people around you. People who can’t handle you being authentic. You being honest to yourself and dealing with issues head on. Find better people to hangout with. But more importantly made sure that you are happy with being yourself. Be kind. Be fair. Love yourself.

There no need to look for a voice you already have.. Just use it. You already got it.

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a poem about finding your own path in life by lost20something

Bespoke.
Made, just for you.
Specifically tailored.

Suited to your personality.
Challenges based on your weaknesses.
Custom made to demonstrate your strengths.

Style.
Created.
With you in mind.

Brave blazers
Inferno red lining
Intensely blazing

Feisty flowers
Flourishing from the ashes
Beautiful but wild
Wild but beautiful

Trailed.
A bespoke path.
Made for you
Only you.

Bespoke.
A life.
Your life.
Specially made.

Just.

For

You.

How beautiful is that?

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Reading time: 1 min

Caring for yourself. Everyone wants to do that or be able to do that for themselves. No one wants to deny themselves the opportunity to love themselves unconditionally. Do they?

Often times people don’t know how to. Neither do I. I hear the term very often. But what does that mean? Buying myself hot chocolate to cheer myself up? Or do they mean taking better care of my mental health?

Where do you even start with self-care?

Over the last few months I have realized that awareness is the first step. If you are aware of it.  You can do something about it. But it is very hard to solve a problem that you didn’t even know you had.

Alright, I know I have a problem with the way I talk to myself. What now?

Realize it. Accept it. Understand how you got here. Know what the issue is. Admit to yourself that you have an issue. But also accept the fact that you are not happy with this issue and the situation you are in. Accept that you want to do better. That you are capable of doing better.

Talk yourself through it. Like you would talk your best friend through an issue they had. With kindness. Understanding. Compassion. With love. Unconditional love regardless of how ugly the truth might seem at the moment.

Realize that you are not alone. I believe everyone has different issues because everyone gets challenged in a way that is most challenging for them. What you might see as an challenge might not be one for me and vise versa. That doesn’t change the fact that everyone has their own personal problems. I am not saying rejoice in knowing that others have issues. Just that you are not alone. There is nothing new under the sun. Somewhere, someone has gone through what you are going through. If they can come out on the other side. So can you.

Remember, so far you have survived 100% of the bad and worst days.

Allow yourself forgiveness. Growth. Love. Want the best for yourself. Not in a selfish way but in a way of: I want to be good and I want other to be good too.

If you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel bad for any reason. Accept that you feel that way. Get yourself out of that situation. Don’t try to suppress how you feel by ignoring it. Don’t concern yourself with not wanting to ruin the fun by staying at a party you don’t want to be at anymore. Please leave. You are not doing yourself or others justice.

Concern for others is imperative but not before your own mental health, feelings and sanity. That’s not healthy.

Love yourself enough to take care of yourself.

Whatever that means to you in that moment. If it’s not eating junk food because you want to stay committed to your diet. Then do that. If it’s leaving a party you don’t want to be at. Then do that too. Whatever taking care of yourself means in that moment. Prioritize it.

Taking care of yourself is not selfishly taking away from others. Not at all. It’s just saying; I am important enough to be taken care of as well.

If you needed that nudge. The permission to start the journey of loving yourself. Here you go. Please take care of yourself. It will make you a happier person. It will fill your cup. So your cup can overflow and you can help other fill their own cups too.

It will help you shine inside out. Just remember that it’s a journey. You will have days where you can effortlessly love yourself and be compassionate. But there are also days where that’s not as easy to achieve. Love yourself anyway.

For those of us who come from broken homes bearing burdens of painful pasts. You have to teach yourself what taking care of yourself means in a healthy way. You might not have seen what that looks like. Felt what it feels like. That wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t in your control. But how to take care of yourself as an adult. Is entirely within your control.

Grow. Learn. Love. Change. Progress. Do it for yourself. And do it with love.

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Reading time: 3 min