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A blog post about asking yourself the hard questions. How to change self doubt.

Questioning yourself is a double edged sword isn’t it? Sometimes it feels a lot more like self doubt than anything else doesn’t it? Well for me it does. Or used to, actually. Self care helped with learning how to not abuse myself emotionally. That’s essentially what you are doing, Emotionally abusing yourself. It sounds crazy when you think of it like that. Who would willingly do that to themselves right? Wrong. Everyone has moments of overthinking, creating unlikely scenarios or just being disappointed in yourself because you made a mistake. However, instead of just admitting it, forgiving yourself or dealing with it in a healthy way.. You obsess over it. Beat yourself up over it. Call yourself names or be negative and mean to yourself.

Me: Doesn’t sound healthy does it?

me: Nope

Me: That’s because it’s not. You know better.

me: Sigh

What if me questioning myself isn’t a negative thing but positive? What if the answers to those questions are guiding me? And the discomfort I feel is just growing pains? I constantly beat myself up for not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life or at least career wise. What if, by asking these tough questions, I am receiving pieces of the puzzle. Maybe the reason It doesn’t make sense yet is because I can’t see the full picture yet? What if by asking questions I am a lot further along than I think I am? What if the emotional abuse towards myself is just stopping me from reaching further than I actually can? What if all I had to do was just trust god? It’s one thing to know that you should trust god and to actually trusting him is a whole other can of worms. 

Sh*t that is a lot.

Questioning yourself doesn’t have to be a negative experience. When done the right way, it actually helps you figure yourself out. 

Lost20something

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Blog post about finding your voice

Finding your voice as a person, as a writer, as a female, are often given as advise. You are capable! You just haven’t found your voice just yet. You are a great writer but your tone isn’t really right. I need to hear your voice. Use your voice. Your voice should be unique.

I, for one have heard that often. But do you ever just stand still for a sec and think about what that means? “Finding a voice” is implying that it was lost or you never had one to begin with. By agreeing to find your voice we are actually agreeing with them telling us we never had one. We do. Everyone does.

How does one even find his or hers voice? How does one never have one?

The only time you didn’t have a voice is when you stayed quite when really, you had a lot to say. You censored yourself. Scared to offend. You didn’t say what you wanted to because of another person. You played the part of the quite wallflower not because that’s who you are but because you were worried about what they might think.

But baby girl, prison is a sentence. Don’t sentence yourself.

You don’t need to find your voice because you always had it. They aren’t the ones that need to understand you. You need to understand you. It’s a process. You will have days feeling like you figured it all out and you can take on the world. But then there are days you are just not there yet. Somedays it will feel like one step forward 10 steps back. Those days are normal. Everyone has them. The focus shouldn’t be how many steps you went forward and then backwards, the point is you are moving. Moving is learning. Learning is knowledge. Knowledge means better decisions the second time or the third time around. You are allowed to make mistakes.

If you can’t express your feelings, opinions, thoughts with the company you keep, then you need to change the company you keep. You are meant to be a mess when you are a mess. Happy when you are happy. Sad when you are sad. You are meant to feel what you feel when you feel it. Don’t ignore that. It will fester. It will keep ticking till the time bomb finally explodes.

If you don’t have supportive people around you. People who can’t handle you being authentic. You being honest to yourself and dealing with issues head on. Find better people to hangout with. But more importantly made sure that you are happy with being yourself. Be kind. Be fair. Love yourself.

There no need to look for a voice you already have.. Just use it. You already got it.

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a poem about finding your own path in life by lost20something

Bespoke.
Made, just for you.
Specifically tailored.

Suited to your personality.
Challenges based on your weaknesses.
Custom made to demonstrate your strengths.

Style.
Created.
With you in mind.

Brave blazers
Inferno red lining
Intensely blazing

Feisty flowers
Flourishing from the ashes
Beautiful but wild
Wild but beautiful

Trailed.
A bespoke path.
Made for you
Only you.

Bespoke.
A life.
Your life.
Specially made.

Just.

For

You.

How beautiful is that?

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A story about how she is her own hero in this one.

Sometimes a woman just wants to read stories that inspire her. Stories that demonstrate the power of women. Without being compared to men in any way, shape or form. Stories about how a young lady became independent when she moved out of her parents house all by herself. How she assembled her own Ikea furniture without any help. How she paid for it with the money she worked so hard for.Stories about ordinary women being their own heroes one day at a time.

Could she have read the Ikea instructions when she was assembeling her own furniture? Sure, she would’ve been finished sooner. But what is more satisfying than proving to yourself that you are capable of figuring it all out on your own? -Not much, if you ask me.

Stories about her car breaking down on the highway… How she pulled up her sleeves, popped the hood, figured out what the issue was, fixed her car and arrived safely home. 

Stories about how her boss is a pain in the ass so she decides to become an entrepreneur and start her own business. That was one of the hardest decisions she had ever made. (Well, besides which haagen dazs ice cream to buy of course.) (Always salted caramel in case you were wondering.) But also the right one. Stories about working from home in her pj’s because she feels like it and that is totally fine.

Stories about her going out with her friends all dolled up and in heels on one day and in a hoodie and sweat pants the next day.

Stories that tell the tale of her superpower. That unlike Superman and Spiderman she could safe her own world all by being her self. That she didn’t need to hide who she was in order to help the people she cared about. Stories about how she is more of superhero than Spiderman and Superman because she was courageous enough to be herself.

Stories about how her modesty is one of her powers. Because she understands that she is more than her body. She is so much more than the skin she lives in.

Stories about how she can express herself without limitations. Stories about how she does.

Stories about how she doesn’t need to prove her femininity. How she can be a tomboy that plays soccer in heels. Or how she can hate skirts and dresses but love nail polish and fast cars.

Stories about how fearlessly she participates in car races. How she is terrified and still races because she loves it more than anything and wins.

Stories about an ordinary independent kickass woman who is her own hero.

Stories about how she is the hero in this one.

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Reading time: 2 min